Why family isn't always first

When I was in my teens, my parents had a fight with my aunt who was my dad's older sister. Thinking that other family members would get upset, my dad called his uncle for advice and rather than giving my dad a long sermon about how family was important and he needed to make up with his sister, he said "You're spouse and your children are you family, everyone else is secondary!" That stuck with me for the last 25 years. I've never been that close to my extended family and the thought of visiting older family members that I didn't know every year and listen them ask me patronising questions made me cringe. The last time I went to see old family was when my oldest daughter was nearly 3 and I was so ashamed of myself to bring her to see my dad's old hypochondriac aunt in bed , I thought , "that's it!" Then there's the constant feud between my mum and her sister and my dad and his brother. First they say they'll never speak to them again and then it's "but he's family!" No thanks. For issues that I'm not going go go into full length , I'm not so close to my family. The fact that they always made me feel like an outcast, or never saying anything to my brother about his constant teasing about my weight as a teen or their constant bullying me for my weight and telling me I needed to change or I'll end up alone are a few things. It took a while but , I decided I needed out and moved as far as possible. I go visit them once in a while with my children and then back home. As I'm a grown assed woman, they can't make me go and visit toxic relatives and as a grown assed woman I don't need to add every family member on social media to my profile of say hi if they post something on my feed. Just last month one of my aunts got upset because I didn't write back after she wished me happy birthday. She wanted a personal reply when I thanked everyone who sent me wishes in one message. There were over 100 messages. She sulked to my mum. Really? Very few family members like my cousin reach out to me without wanting anything back like my cousin who's daughter is the same age as mine and I'm obligated to visit anyone who is going to ruin my holiday. These days due to the Covid-19 outbreak, some family think it's ok to be racist against the Asian and black community which I think is utter bullshit. Oh and this is priceless, they want me and my children to go and live with them because they're worried about my financial situation. Oh yeah go back to the toxic environment that nearly killed me because I'm struggling. No thank you. Recently my dad sent old photos of when I was younger. As if they're going to make me emotional and decide to pack up with the kids and leave. They only reinforce the fact that the only family I need to focus on are my children and their dad. They forget what great uncle Nick taught us. "Your family is your spouse and children, everyone else doesn't matter!" Everytime I hear "Italians are all about family!" Not me.